Better To Never Say Anything

My best friend is someone that has been through the same experiences that I have been through and comprehends what I have lived through better than anyone else I have ever associated with during the course of all my experiences. Some of the similarities are so incredibly similar, sometimes I feel I am talking to myself.  Here is the clincher to this story.  We met here on EP.  This is not a romantic bond.  We have never met in person and we have never seen each other.  Our friendship is solely based on experiences, comfort, and understanding.  There is a huge difference between us though.  I am overly emotional and he is very level headed.

When I say that no one understands the majority of what I have been through, I mean that I have never met anyone that understands.  He understands the scarring, the mental aspects, and the emotional damage.  He is also able to reason with me when others are unable.  I cannot explain why.  Maybe because he knows the everlasting affects.

Today, believe it or not, he hurt my feelings.  I actually cried like a little girl.  Of course I did, I'm the overly emotional one.  He didn't even realize he did it until I brought it to his attention.  I've explained to him before that he is my best friend.  (Notice at the beginning of this blurb I said, "My best friend...").  No where through this blurb do I mention that I am his best friend.  Today, I stressed to him that he doesn't realize just how much I appreciate him and that hands down and honest to God, he is absolutely my best friend.  His response was, "I do hope that you will find people near you though....you really need some close friends you can spend time with...lord knows I need a few more."  I understand his concern and I do appreciate it.  However, it kind of stung.  I felt like it was his way of telling me to back off.

I mentioned to him that it hurt my feelings the way that he responded.  He replied with, "I think it makes me a little uncomfortable...I'm not good with certain emotional expressions...it's one one of the places I am broken."  I told him no worries that I would never mention it again.

It's just hard knowing that you have shared so many experiences, details, thoughts, secrets, etc., to find out that you need to back away because you scare this person.  I'm sitting here trying to figure out why I screw up all the time.  I love him dearly.  He is a great person, a wonderful family man, and again...my best friend.

Sometimes, it is better to never say anything.