Friend Breakup Stories

"I understand that the closeness she shared with me was a disguise for survival

 

My best friend Andy and I were inseparable in high school. We finished each other’s sentences, wore each other’s clothes, shared a diary, and at one point, lived together. Our intense chemistry was comparable to a romantic relationship, but more powerful because of its plutonic nature.

When Andy was young, her father had committed suicide. Her mother was barely competent and Andy had to parent herself at a young age. She was dangerously close to being outright narcissistic, but I chalked it up to her overcompensating for lost attention and love.
When she met her first boyfriend, I knew our friendship was ending. Eerily, she began to cut and dye her hair to resemble him and wore his clothes. She was becoming him, sharing and losing identity in him, and simultaneously, displaying her recovery of male attention in full force. It was insurance preventing another important man from leaving her.
Her transformation signaled to me that our friendship was also mimicry. Looking back, I understand that the closeness she shared with me was a disguise for survival. She did everything in her power to attract me as a best friend. I was a substitute for the solid foundation she lacked and craved. We played out the parent-teen rebellion, since she couldn’t with her mother. I wish I had had the maturity in high school to step back from the situation, to let go in healthy doses, and to realize that she wasn’t abandoning me. She couldn’t help herself. The relationships she fabricated in high school were mad attempts at family creation. Today she’s living far away with her boyfriend. I hope she’s happy and that the distance removes her enough from anything familiar, giving her the opportunity to start from scratch and to give up the mime.
-- age 22, Los Angeles

"It hurt more to lose her friendship than it did to lose my marriage"

I can relate to the pain of losing a girlfriend. As a child, my friends and I would drift apart. But often that was a result of family moves or institutionally-motivated separations into different classes or schools. We were too little to control these situations and too young to let our sorrow linger. Soon new friends were on the horizon, and those friends from the past became pleasant memories.

But a number of years ago I began to socialize with a woman I met at work. We both were starting careers at the same university. We usually met each other after work to run together in the neighborhood park. And we shared our frustrations about our work, our goals and our hopes as we ran. She introduced me to ice hockey games; I invited her to concerts. We attended conferences together and shared hotel rooms to cut down on costs. Occasionally our travels took us overseas. We were best friends and we were also supportive colleagues. A few years ahead of her in the system, I stood up for her on a number of occasions -- trying to help smooth processes and expectations so that her advancement would be easier than had mine. I was outspoken in my concern for her, and it wasn't always without risk. But it seemed the right thing to do.
And then... she stopped meeting me after work for our usual runs. We stopped attending conferences together. I tried to talk to her about the way things were changing between us, but she was not responsive. She brushed my concerns aside by telling me she was just getting very busy. And she was also working on a new relationship. At the same time, my marriage was collapsing.
I remember one day -- after she had snubbed me -- walking to my car and realizing that it hurt more to lose her friendship than it did to lose my marriage. In many ways there's something more intimate about a friendship with a woman. I trusted her implicitly. And when she just faded away, I felt horribly betrayed. It really hurt.
She left my university and took a job elsewhere. Occasionally we see each other at conferences. And we are politely professional.
I have other wonderful female friends -- some I have maintained relationships with since high school, others I've made more recently. I am lucky to have such good friendships. But occasionally I still feel a twinge of hurt.
-- age 57, Missouri

"I'm not entirely sure who or what went wrong"

Rosie and I had been best friends since freshman year of high school. We carpooled and had virtually every class together. We were absolute opposites. She the quiet introvert and I the opinionated free spirit. I think "opposites attract" was definitely true here. When we were young, my boisterous nature helped protect Rosie through some pretty tough times. We stayed friends through some pretty dark stuff.

When Rosie met her husband she settled down young and very quickly. I, on the other hand, lived life to the fullest. Travelling, moving, jumping jobs, you name it I probably did it. And I was terrible with money. I think she thought she had to mother me through those years. I remember one time she showed up with a bag of groceries because she was worried I wouldn't eat. In return, I listened and supported her through the first years of marriage, navigating living with a boy, in-laws, her new, settled life.
Finally I started to settle down with the birth of my son. Not long after, I moved about three hours away. When my second son was born, Rosie told me she was three months along with her own baby. I couldn't have been more thrilled. However, living so far away and now with a toddler and an infant, my life had changed drastically and I couldn't be the support I wanted or I think she hoped I could be.
The end came because of her baby shower. I mixed up dates. Even then I didn't go on the day I thought because I had a family thing come up. But still, I missed it. I called that Monday to apologize.
After talking to her and thinking everything was OK, I got a text saying "I saw your Facebook post on Sunday. You lied. Don't call me. I'll call you when I'm ready." I had posted that I was spending time with my kids. I never got the chance to explain. She wouldn't answer calls or texts and eventually I respected her wishes not for me to contact her. We haven't spoken in three years. She emailed me about a year ago telling me she saw my family on Facebook and they were lovely, but I didn't respond. I couldn't. I'm not entirely sure who or what went wrong, but I was so broken by her flat out cutting me off and walking away that I could not even muster a "thank you."
-- age 31, Cincinnati

Better To Never Say Anything

My best friend is someone that has been through the same experiences that I have been through and comprehends what I have lived through better than anyone else I have ever associated with during the course of all my experiences. Some of the similarities are so incredibly similar, sometimes I feel I am talking to myself.  Here is the clincher to this story.  We met here on EP.  This is not a romantic bond.  We have never met in person and we have never seen each other.  Our friendship is solely based on experiences, comfort, and understanding.  There is a huge difference between us though.  I am overly emotional and he is very level headed.

When I say that no one understands the majority of what I have been through, I mean that I have never met anyone that understands.  He understands the scarring, the mental aspects, and the emotional damage.  He is also able to reason with me when others are unable.  I cannot explain why.  Maybe because he knows the everlasting affects.

Today, believe it or not, he hurt my feelings.  I actually cried like a little girl.  Of course I did, I'm the overly emotional one.  He didn't even realize he did it until I brought it to his attention.  I've explained to him before that he is my best friend.  (Notice at the beginning of this blurb I said, "My best friend...").  No where through this blurb do I mention that I am his best friend.  Today, I stressed to him that he doesn't realize just how much I appreciate him and that hands down and honest to God, he is absolutely my best friend.  His response was, "I do hope that you will find people near you though....you really need some close friends you can spend time with...lord knows I need a few more."  I understand his concern and I do appreciate it.  However, it kind of stung.  I felt like it was his way of telling me to back off.

I mentioned to him that it hurt my feelings the way that he responded.  He replied with, "I think it makes me a little uncomfortable...I'm not good with certain emotional expressions...it's one one of the places I am broken."  I told him no worries that I would never mention it again.

It's just hard knowing that you have shared so many experiences, details, thoughts, secrets, etc., to find out that you need to back away because you scare this person.  I'm sitting here trying to figure out why I screw up all the time.  I love him dearly.  He is a great person, a wonderful family man, and again...my best friend.

Sometimes, it is better to never say anything.                   

THE BEST FRIEND,A SOUL MATE

By Louise W.L.
from Stockholm, Sweden

For two years ago I was very lonely and didn't talk with anyone about my feelings. At the time I didn't have many friends. The year before I had released myself from a "friend" who treated me very badly. I was longing for a best friend. I wanted some one to share my experiences and secrets with. I wanted some one to understand me. I started to imagine this friend. Often I imagined our conversations and what we would do, but I didn't give my imagination a face. I remember looking up in the sky and wishing for this friend.

Some weeks later we started a new project in school and I was working with one of my classmates. We had never worked with each other before and we didn't know each other very well. We didn't hang out with the same people. I thought she was very kind and we got along great. After the project we started to spend some time with each other in school, but both of us felt like we were "breaking the rules" because we came from different groups. (I know that is very silly, but that is school..) One day we decided to take a walk. Ever since that walk we've been best friends. As soon as we were with each other, outside school, we talked about everything. We listened and really understood each other. We were both overwhelmed about our connection.

I had wished for a best friend, but the universe gave me so much more. I have met one of my soul mates. We can sense each other, and it just takes one look and we know what the other one is thinking. After spending time with each other for two months I didn't think that our friendship could grow much stronger. But now we have known each other for 2 years and our friendship is growing all the time. Although we had been in the same school for years I know it was meant for us to find each other when we did. Because our experiences made so we were at the same levels. It made us ready for each other!

But it hasn't only been easy. I have learned that the people you love the most are the ones that can hurt you the most. We have gone through both easy and hard times. But I´m grateful for the hard times, because they have forced me to grow and taught me a lot. My best friend has changed me. She has made me believe in myself. And I am now focusing on fulfilling one one of my biggest dreams. Without her I wouldn't even have realized what my biggest dream is. I have gotten a better contact with my family, especially my sister. She is now also one of my dearest friends.

When I heard about The Secret, I knew it was it! It explained it all.

I know that there are soul mates out in the world for you. I am so grateful to have met one of mine. Believe in them, and your paths will cross!
About Louise W.L. from Stockholm, Sweden:
15 year old girl. Exploring life and believes in miracles.

My Friend Luke

Translated by Gustavo Artiles and Alex Patterson

I have a friend who must be the sweetest, shyest person in the world. His name is brittle and ancient (Luke), his age modestly intermediate (forty). He is rather short and skinny, has a thin moustache and even thinner hair on his head. Since his vision is not perfect, he wears glasses: they are small, round and frame-less.
     In order not to inconvenience anyone, he always walks sideways. Instead of saying 'Excuse me', he prefers to glide by one side. If the gap is so narrow that it will not allow him to pass, Luke waits patiently until the obstruction -- be it animate or inanimate, rational or irrational -- moves by itself. Stray dogs and cats panic him, and in order to avoid them he constantly crosses from one side to of the road to another.
     He speaks with a very thin, subtle voice, so inaudible that it is hard to tell if he is speaking at all. He has never interrupted anybody. On the other hand, he can never manage more than two words without somebody interrupting him. This does not seem to irritate him; in fact, he actually appears happy to have been able to utter those two words.
     My friend Luke has been married for years. His wife is a thin, choleric, nervous woman who, as well as having an unbearably shrill voice, strong lungs, a finely drawn nose and a viperous tongue suffers from an uncontrollable temper and the personality of a lion tamer. Luke -- you have to wonder how -- has succeeded in producing a child named (by his mother) Juan Manuel. He is tall, blond, intelligent, distrustful, sarcastic and has a fringe. It is not entirely true that he only obeys his mother. However, the two of them have always agreed that Luke has little to offer the world and therefore choose to ignore his scarce and rarely expressed opinions.
     Luke is the oldest and the least important employee of a dismal company that imports cloth. It operates out of a very dark building with black-stained wooden floors situated in Alsina street. The owner -- I know him personally -- is called don Aqueróntido -- I don't know whether that is his first name or his surname -- and he has a ferocious moustache, is bald and has a thunderous voice. He is also violent and greedy. My friend Luke goes to work dressed all in black, wearing a very old suit that shines from age. He only owns one shirt -- the one he wore for the first time on the day of his marriage -- and it has an anachronistic plastic collar. He also only owns one tie, so frayed and greasy that it looks more like a shoelace. Unable to bear the disapproving looks of don Aqueróntido, Luke, unlike his colleagues, does not dare work without his jacket on and in order to keep this jacket in good condition he wears a pair of grey sleeve-protectors. His salary is ludicrously low, but he still stays behind in the office every day and works for another three or four hours: the tasks don Aqueróntido gives him are so huge that he has no chance of accomplishing them within normal hours. Now, just after the don Aqueróntido cut his salary yet again, his wife has decided that Juan Manuel must not do his secondary studies in a state school. She has chosen to put his name down for a very costly institution in the Belgrano area. In view of the extortionate outlay this involves, Luke has stopped buying his newspaper and (an even greater sacrifice) The Reader's Digest, his two favourite publications. The last article he managed to read in the Reader's Digest explained how husbands should repress their own overwhelming personality in order to make room for the actualisation of the rest of the family group. There is, however, one remarkable aspect to Luke: his behaviour as soon as he steps on a bus. Generally, this is what happens:

     He requests a ticket and begins to look for his money, slowly. He holds up one hand to ensure that the driver keeps waiting, unsure of what to do. Luke does not hurry. In fact, I would say that the driver's impatience gives him a certain amount of pleasure. Then he pays with the largest possible number of small coins, which he delivers a few at the time, in varying amounts and at irregular intervals. For some reason, this disturbs the driver, who, apart from having to pay attention to other cars, the traffic lights, other passengers getting on or off, and having to drive the bus itself, is forced to perform complicated arithmetic. Luke aggravates the problem by including in his payment an old Paraguayan coin that he keeps for the purpose and which is invariably returned to him. This way, mistakes are usually made in the accounts and an argument ensues. Then, in a serene but firm manner, Luke begins to defend his rights, employing arguments so contradictory that it is impossible to understand what point he is actually trying to make. Finally, the driver, at the end of the last tether of his sanity and in an act of final resignation, chooses to throw out the coins -- perhaps as a means of repressing his wish to throw out Luke or, indeed, himself.
     When winter comes, Luke always travels with the windows wide open. The first to suffer as a result of this is Luke himself: he has developed a chronic cough that often forces him to stay awake entire nights. During the summer, he closes his window and will not allow anyone to lower the shade that would protect him from the sun. More than once he has ended up with first-degree burns.
     Because of his weak lungs, Luke is not allowed to smoke and, in fact, he hates smoking. In spite of this, once inside the bus he cannot resist the temptation to light up a cheap, heavy cigar that clogs up his windpipe and makes him cough. After he gets off, he puts away his cigar in preparation for his next journey.           Luke is a tiny, sedentary, squalid person and has never been interested in sports. But come Saturday evening, he switches on his portable radio and turns the volume up full in order to follow the boxing match. Sundays he dedicates to football and tortures the rest of the passengers with the noisy broadcasts.
     The back seat is for five passengers. In spite of his very small size, Luke sits so as to allow room for only four or even three people on the seat. If four are already seated and Luke is standing up, he demands permission, in an indignant and reproachful tone, to sit down -- which he then does, managing to take up an excessive amount of space. To this end, he puts his hands in his pockets so that his elbows will remain firmly embedded in his neighbours' ribs.
     Luke's resources are plentiful and diverse.
     When he has to travel standing up, he always keeps his jacket unbuttoned, carefully adjusting his posture so that the lower edge of his jacket hits the face or the eyes of those sitting down.
     If anyone is reading, they are easy prey for Luke. Watching him or her closely, Luke places his head near the light so as to throw a shadow on the victim's book. Every now and then he withdraws his head as if by chance. The reader will anxiously devour one or two words before Luke moves back into position.
     My friend Luke knows the times when the bus will be fully packed. On those occasions, he consumes a salami sandwich and a glass of red wine. Then, with breadcrumbs and threads of salami still between his teeth and pointing his mouth towards the other passenger's noses, he walks along the vehicle shouting loudly, 'Excuse me'.
     If he manages to take the front seat, he never gives it up to anyone. But should he find himself in one of the last rows, the moment he sees a woman with a child in her arms or a weak, elderly person climb on board he immediately stands up and calls very loudly to the front passenger to offer them his seat. Later he usually makes some recriminatory remark against those that kept their seats. His eloquence is always effective, and some mortally ashamed passenger gets off at the next stop. Instantly, Luke takes his place. My friend Luke gets off the bus in a very good mood. Timidly, he walks home, staying out of the way of anyone he meets. He is not allowed a key, so he has to ring the bell. If anyone is home, they rarely refuse to open the door to him. But if neither his wife, his son nor don Aqueróntido are to be found, Luke sits on the doorstep until someone arrives

No More Calling Me Baby

“That is so unfair!” so unfair. Richelle Santino knew her life was about to involve a tombstone. It would involve a tombstone because she was about to be dead. She was about to die because she saw the disbelieving rage take over her mother’s glare as she stalked towards her. Her mother let loose a sound of pure disbelieving rage and Ricki knew her life was over, until her Dad stepped in.

“Come on Maggie, how is she going to get to school.” He was a very reasonable man. How the hell did he end up marrying psycho mom here.

“How are we going to bail her out of jail if she gets pulled over, again.” Her mother roared at her poor Dad. Ricki’s mother wasn’t the tallest woman, she was even considered a midget by some standards but that never stopped her from being the best kick ass fitness trainer in the state. Maggie Santino unfortunately brought her work methods home and tried to play Mom.

“Nana set me up a trust fun-“ Dad glared over his shoulder at her. He knew the quickest way to set Maggie Satino off was to talk about her mother. She was a woman Ricki had only met once and also the one that set her up with an amazing trust fund that for some reason she was never allowed to tap into.

“Shut up!” her Dad said with his face. .

“Alright,” Ricki rolled her eyes, he didn’t have to be so scary about it. Ricki shut her mouth and waited. It wasn’t her fault, her mother knew what it was like to be in rush hour traffic. Just because she had cut in front of an eighteen wheeler didn’t mean it was her fault!

“Tony, she overturned a semi!” she was never going to let that go. “She could have killed someone!”

“Eighteen wheeler.” They were slower than Semi’s. Both of her parents glared at her.

“Look, how is she going to get to school.” He was cool and collected. Ricki loved her Dad because he was the exact opposite of her mom. “I have to be at the station in ten minutes, what time do you get off?”

“Late.” Maggie admitted not liking it at all. She glared at her daughter. “What time are you going to be home?”

“I promised Jenna that I would be at the store to help out with shipment.” They had hired a few new girls but someone still had to be there to oversee everything. “Finals are coming up and stuff. We were going to study.” Her Mom didn’t look like she was going to buy it. “I was going to spend the night there.” Please buy it. Ricki begged. Please just not give a shit.

“Look you girls hack it out. I’m going to be late, again. “Ricki watched her dad roll his eyes and stroll for the door.

“Love you Daddy!” she called after him. She stopped to blow them a kiss and was gone. That left her with. . .

“I want you to call me when you get from point A to Point b, and all the points in between.”

Ma’am yes ma’am! Ricki saluted the drill sergeant who was her mother. “Am I the only one who sees the wrongness in this. I’m 18 and I still have to report in. I'm not a baby anymore, I'm in college!”

“Our house.” Maggie always pointed that one out. She loved pointing out that Ricki lived in her house. Ricki wasn't surprised when she used that as her first line argument. She was barely able to contain her eye roll.

“Maybe it’s time for me to get my own place.” Vlad had said Ricki could come over anytime. Jenna had too. Neither of them had implied that she couldn’t move in. Maybe not with Jenna and
Christian, that would just be weird but Vlad was always an option. Or possibly she could tap into that fund her grandma had given her. It would be a good start for her until she and Jenna got their business off the ground.

Her mother stopped midstep and looked her over. “You’re an adult, honey.” Her voice was sweet as southern tea mixed with a drop of venom. “Think long and be responsible. Make the right choice for you.” Then she was gone out the door and headed to work. No I love you, have a good day. Nothing. Mom’s were the best. Ricki shuffled around looking for her own keys.

That wasn’t fair though was it, not all moms treated their daughters like they were criminal master minds in the making. It was so unfair, what did that woman want from her. She got good grade, she would be damned if she went out for cheerleading. She had done the sports thing and liked heels better. Most mothers would be proud, Janelle, Jenna’s mom, adored her. Everyone loved her except for her own mother.

Her keys were in her shoe, how the hell did they end up in her rain boots? Anyway she was going to be late for class, she would have been even if she had found her keys earlier.

Stalking to her Bug Baby, Ricki slammed the door wincing when she heard it rattle a little. She needed to get a grip and not take it out on her Bugwagon. The sound of Starry Eyed went off in her purse, Ricki thought about it then answered.

“Talk to me?”

“Hey babe.” The deep purr on the other end brighten her day instantly.

“Hey, what’s up.”

“Nothing, just got a break from class, was thinking of you and called.” Vlad, her boyfriend told her. Her bad mood was quickly evaporated. She would have to worry about how freaky it was that his voice could easily dissolve her dark mood.

“Oh.” She backed out the drive way and started hauling it to class. Trying to keep it under the speed limit. She almost made it.

“mhmm. And I had a favor.” He wheedled. He was really cute when he tried to wheedle her.

“I might do it.” She teased him. In the end she threw her good intentions out the freaking window and began flying past the other cars. They were so slow and she was so late.

“You have to help Jenny.”

“What’s wrong?” Ricki instantly panicked in the process she cut off a sports car that was doing something close to fifty on the freeway. Ricki's mind instantly went to the worst, Jenna had broken up with Christian or Christian had broken it off with her best friend. She would have to kill the sexy pirate if he did that. If he had then she needed to ask Siri where she could hide a dead body.

“Christian is worried about her, you know she is trying to help Janelle plan her wedding.” Ricki rolled her eyes. Why did Jenna always need to obsess over Janelle? Janelle didn’t obsess over Janelle! Jenna's mom was the easiest going woman that Ricki ever met. She was the Mother that Ricki had always prayed for but had never had.

“Okay?”

“He wants you two to spend some girl time, at the store or whatever, maybe you could stop by today.”

“No good, if she is worked up so bad that My Sexy Pirate is asking you for advice, it’s gonna take more.” just hanging out at Meine Leibe would not be chilling and talking it would be working and talking. They needed serious girl time.

“Like what, Christian is desperate.” Vlad sounded worried and amused all in one.

She knew without asking that Christian was sitting close by. Some kind of universally weird way Vlad and Christian had become bros and not just them but Ryan, Jenna’s soon to be step brother was in their group too. It cause Jenna and Ricki all sorts of confused moments. “Tell Christian we’ll do a girls night, no boys allowed. He can go stay at Ryan’s or with you.”

There was a pause. “Okay.” Another pause. “there is one more thing.”

Ricki sighed. “You’re gay, I know. You and Ryan have been having this secret fling for months thinking I didn’t know but I did. Thanks for finally telling me.” .

His rumbling laugh leaked through the phone as she pulled up into the parking lot right next to Jenna’s Tahoe. “No. Do you think I’m gay?”

“Best gay boyfriend ever.”

“Do gay boyfriends ask girls out on dates?” Vlad asked bemused.

“If they want to keep their hot girlfriends they do.” Ricki jumped out the car.

“Oh, okay. I gotta go. Love you. Bye.” He hung up before she could say anything. Wasn’t he suppose to ask her something? Ricki glared at her phone hoping he could feel her glare.
Her phone vibrated. She opened the text message and smiled at what it said. “This text is for my beautiful girlfriend asking her to be ready tomorrow night by eight o’clock. We’re going out.”

She sent back a simple message. “Okay.” Ricki walked into her math class half an hour late with a grin on her face and couldn’t make herself care.

HOW TO ESCAPE THE FRIEND ZONE

 

 

Steps

1. 1
   Break the "nice guy" or "sweet girl" stereotype. Most guys and girls who find themselves in the "friend zone" are usually susceptible to many of the characteristics of the "nice guy" or "sweet girl" stereotype. This means pretty much someone who wants to avoid making other people uncomfortable at any cost, but does so usually at their own expense by not communicating their own needs. Where you're romantically attracted to someone, but you don't want to "pressure" them into a relationship, or "ruin" the friendship by expressing your interest or making a move, you'll end up holding back in a variety of ways. The trouble is, when you make other people's feelings more important than your own (instead of finding that happy balance), you're unconsciously communicating to people that your own feelings don't matter. This may make it seem like you have low self-worth, which is the opposite of confidence.
   
   
   • While some people are attracted to ever agreeable mates, the person who assigned you to the "friend zone" probably is not. If nothing else, inaction tells the other person that you're simply not interested (chances are, even if they never felt attracted to you, they wondered about your intentions).
2. 2
   Stop being needy. One of the reasons you might be interested in this person more than they're into you is because you are giving off signals that you really want to be in a relationship! You might be coming off as a little desperate, which is quite the attraction killer. You might be rushing things emotionally and maybe physically.You might also be placing this person on a pedestal, because you're so caught up in the idea of the relationship, that you're quick to assume this person is "perfect".
   
   
   • Examine your own neediness. In one word, relax. There will always be many more encounters besides this one, so stop treating it like the last one you'll ever have. Also, don't force yourself to reveal your hopes for intimacy, let your actions display your confidence. Your demeanor should speak for itself.
3. 3
   Think about the difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship. If you think a romantic relationship should just be a great friendship with physical intimacy thrown into the mix, then it's understandable to look for common ground first, and wait for the physical attraction to kick in sooner or later. But not everyone sees relationships this way. Some people expect a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" to play a particular role in their lives in order for physical attraction to emerge. The person who you want to be more than friends with probably makes a bigger distinction between "friend" and "romantic partner" than you do. Realize that many people (both male and female) expect to be courted in some way. And many psychological issues play out in the relationship arena that don't ever arise in friendships. Some people, for example, look for a romantic partner who can play more of a parental role than a friend would.
   
   
   • Figure out what the person you're pining for wants in a boyfriend or girlfriend. Then decide whether you want to be that for them.
   • Note that some people are attracted to toxic relationships. If your love interests keeps getting involved with people who treat them badly, despite your advice, you might just have to accept that they're working through some issues. You could spend your entire life waiting for them to "see the light" or you could move on and find someone who actually (through their actions, not their words) wants a healthy relationship.
4. 4
   Break the touch barrier. For many people, a big distinction between "friendship" and "relationship" is the way they touch. There are platonic ways to touch someone, and romantic ways, and the boundary is different for different people. But if you're terrified of touching someone the wrong way, to the extent that you hesitate and never touch them first, your intentions may be good but your "touch paralysis" isn't helping you at all in the romantic department. Take a few little "touch risks". Reach for their hands, hair, shoulders, ankles, and back. Don't just always wait for them to do it first. If they don't like it, they'll definitely let you know. But touching someone communicates to them that you find them attractive, and also that you're reasonably confident. Both of these things can make someone feel more attracted to you.
   
   
   • There are more tips in How to Touch a Girl and How to Hint for a Kiss from a Guy.
   • Note that some people are very affectionate with their friends; the person you're interested in might be all about cuddling with you, and think nothing more of it than friendliness, while you feel like you're getting mixed signals. At some point the person you are interested in needs to give out or give in.
5. 5
   Realize that you're "tying up" your feelings by staying friends with someone who isn't romantically interested in you. In the instance where you've already followed the previous steps and you've left your pushover habits behind, you've stepped up to role that he or she is looking for in a relationship, and you've crossed the touch barrier, but this person still wants to be "just friends", you'll need to make some hard decisions. Maybe they're simply not attracted to you, for reasons you'll never know. But you still have feelings for them. Is it wise to continue spending time with them?
   
   
   • Consider that it'll be difficult to develop feelings for someone else if your feelings for this person are fueled every time you hang out. You'll struggle with feelings of jealousy and frustration when that person dates. Consider that even if you do manage to develop feelings for someone else, your heart might always be torn and confused, and it'll be hard to give your new flame your undivided affection.
   • Sometimes, the best thing to do is to take the friendship down to the level of acquaintance. The person might feel offended, perhaps it will seem as if you don't value them as just a friend, but remember (and explain to them if necessary) that you can't control how you feel, just like they can't control how they feel, and you need to make room in your life and heart for someone who feels about you the way you feel about them.